Ships and Shits

I'm an open book and I get attached super easily. I could be very loud most of the times people would call me 'gedik'/'over'/'beria' as soon as they meet me for the first time. What to do mayn, I'm energetic liddat when I meet new people PROVIDED that the surrounding is cool enough for me,

But as you get to know me,I'm actually very sentimental,complicated and not that loud pun actually. I treasure everyone that willingly to stay with me even though they have seen the shitty,dorkiest sideS of mine. I can't thank them enough for making me a part of their lives.

However,I have a problem. I would get really,really upset when they want to walk away from my life.

You see,I've faced a lot of rejections since I was in primary school. At every stages of life,I would lose a lot of people that I used to love so much,Even some of my cousins don't really acknowledge my presence. Sometimes, it's either I would go to sleep with tears or i stayed up all night long,crying until the migraine hit me the very next morning and i will be super miserable and I'll screw up everyone's life on that particular day that's how annoying I could be. Probably that's the reason why so many people left me. It's awful;we would become very close,like really,really close and then BOOM! The time would be reversed or something idk we would be back to the time before we even know each other : a total stranger. It happens all the time.

Occasionally,this little girl inside me will scream,asking why people couldn't just accept me for who I am.Everyone is flawed,but I can bear each and every single one of em.Why couldn't they?I might be loud,harsh,emotional and even irrelevant but I would be the first person to be by their sides if they need a shoulder to cry on,or a hand to help,or simply a pair of ears to listen. I treasure them very much.

But that's life.Or maybe that's MY life. He pulled out unworthy people to only let the precious stay.

The Sorrow Poem

Hearts is not trophies
Even you best shots couldn't guarantee you
Even if you're at the peak of sincerity
The fog could be so thick they won't notice you

I guess I'm at a different planet,living
The gravity is too strong I constantly falling
The air is really thick I'm suffocating
The water here is salty as my tears enriching

Lord,
This cotton candy inside my chest
Shall be turned into a diamond
As it is hard it will scratch anything that attempts to hurt me
As it is priceless only a few will deserve it

Blank Walls

I'm staring at the blank walls at midnight
My pools of sorrow are vacant they overflow
Now they resembles a projector
Screening our memories back-to back
The waltz at the balcony,how we used to enjoy our macaroni
How you cajoled me with a pluck of rose and squeeze my nose
I'm a total mess but you effortlessly made me feel blessed
You promised you would stay until our hairs turn gray
"Screw the world because my world revolves around you"

You lied
You left
It's too early for your peaceful eternal sleep
It's too early for me to be half-dead
Here I am now,a zombie
Doing nothing but staring at the blank walls at midnight

Of Books and Ringgit

Peace be upon you,people :)

I woke up with a toughest decision I've ever made: to sell my books.

I'm a bibliophile,I love books so much I'm struggling to buy a book,or books I shall say every time I go to bookstores. Kinokuniya could drive me nuts as I've too little penny in my pocket yet a vast collection of books there is seducing me to grab them. Even my relatives call me a total nerd,while they're talking about manicure pedicure,Instafamous and stuff,I couldn't really blend in so same thing happened to them when they see me with a book in my hand. During my sem breaks,books are going to be one of the reason why my luggage are extra heavy.Baju tak banyak buku sampai 5 6 bawa balik.I enjoyed bookstores more than boutiques that's how lame and plain I could be.

I love my books man,I really do. But things have been rough lately...so many things to buy with so little amount of money

Need
- repair my laptop and phone screen
- a blazer for debate
- buying stuff for new session in uni

Want
- Lang Leav's books
- I swear thre's more but I couldn't recall them huhu nyanyuk

To gain something I have to lose something. By that to buy some important stuff I have to sacrifice some of my books. Anything to help my parents,helping myself.

Moga Allah datangkan barakah atas nawaitu aku. Semoga.

Aye people I'm back!

Peace be upon you,you and you.

Last time I checked the last time I blogged was in early 2013. Fuu,quite years already eh.

I still consider myself a newbie here,and my posts will be bilingual so I can be a hipster for speaking in English without abandoning my own mother tongue (damn I can't move on from Informasi Malaya sheesh)

So that's all for the first post,goodnight!